I’m writing this the morning after the night before, well, actually it’s the evening after the night before – as I have spent much of the day on the couch feeling terrible. I was at a good mate’s 40th birthday do and I think I had fun. I mean I drank, ate some food, danced and drank some more before rolling in at 5am. The problem is I no longer want to drink alcohol – but I still do. I’m not addicted to alcohol. I can go days without it, not giving it a second thought. But at the party I was analysing every sip of alcohol I was drinking, not enjoying it knowing full well what it will do to me in the morning: the crushing headache and the manic depression that follows for days. I’ve had enough.
I have been wanting to quit drinking for about 6 years but have never succeeded. The longest I have gone without a drink in the past 20 years has been 6 weeks on two separate occasions. But the over thinking about quitting, the guilt I have whenever I drink is too much. For me drinking has run its course. For 3 years I kept a paper diary which I jotted down my thoughts after an evenings drinking. I would also make notes during the mornings hangover. I was noting down how awful I felt and doing all I could to tell my future self not to keep doing this, but to no avail. One night, after a weekend session down the pub, I torn the diary up and threw it in the bin, angry that my note taking of 3 years was achieving nothing. I have since regretted throwing those notes away but it has led me to this – my new blog.
I’m not too sure what it is I am looking to achieve with the blog. I just feel I need a platform to help me in my quest to quit drinking. Something to look back on and encourage me (i’m obviously hoping digital format is more successful than paper format). When I was looking online for articles about drinkers like me, I struggled to find anything that I could really connect with. Again I am not an alcoholic nor suffer from addiction. I’m just a weekend warrior who drinks too much on a night out, but who has now had enough. But my whole social life seems to revolve around the pub. What will my friends think when I turn up to the concert, the Arsenal match or gatherings with friends or family drinking soda water? These things have held me back for years in terms of making a change – but no more. What I will do is post about my nights out not drinking, how I feel, things that happened in the past that led me to this decision and anything else that springs to mind. But there is no grand plan. I will just see how it goes. But drinking is all relative. It affects us all in different ways. I’ve no problem with anyone who does drink. I’ve had some of the best times in my life on the sauce. But for me it’s time to part ways. I want to be a better version of myself and quitting drinking is part of that.
If you’re in a similar position do get in touch, maybe we could help each other along. I’m not qualified to give advice or tell anyone what to do. I’m just a normal lad from Islington in London trying to do something different with his weekends, but it will be hard. I’m not going to tell you my real name only because I feel I would like to be more open and honest with you about past experiences. That might change in the future but for now…just call me Philip.